


Systematic Destruction

by romanticalgirl



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Decisions, Break Up, Canon-Typical Violence, Cheating, Emotional Infidelity, F/M, Guns, Infidelity, Life threatening situations, Mutual Pining, Workplace Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-12-13 20:47:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21003929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romanticalgirl/pseuds/romanticalgirl
Summary: Phil's death changes a lot of things, and Luke finds himself doing things that will change his life. It's easy to pretend he's not making choices, and things are just happening. But in the end, everything comes home to roost, and he has to decide what and who it is he wants and needs in his life.





	Systematic Destruction

Penelope shows up at Phil’s funeral. It takes Luke a minute to recognize her, given that she’s dressed all in black. She’s wearing high chunky heels, which should give her away, but she’s standing at the back and stays quiet.

The rest of the team are out on a case, so he doesn’t expect anyone, which is why she throws him off. She’s still a puzzle he hasn’t been able to solve. He is glad he lied and told Phil that she hadn’t asked about him. The thought of the two of them in a relationship sits wrong with him, but he’s not sure why. Or he’s not sure if he wants to know why.

He likes to think it’s concern for her, that if they’d been in a relationship, Penelope would be going through this having lost a lover, not just a friend. That would be harder, he knows, but it’s also why it bothers him as much as it does.

And it doesn’t explain before, though. Doesn’t explain why he’d lied. To Phil. To her.

“You okay?” Lisa squeezes his hand, leaning in toward him.

“Yeah. Yeah. Of course.”

“There is no of course here. You’re allowed to not be okay. He was your best friend. Your brother.”

“I know. I do. I do know.” He lets go of her hand to wrap his arm around her shoulders. “It’s a lot.”

“I know.” She kisses him softly. “But you’ll be okay. We all will.”

“I just don’t know what I’m going to do without him. Who am I supposed to go to now? Drink beers with? He was retired. This isn’t how it was supposed to work.”

“I know. Maybe Matt? Or Spencer?”

“I liked that he wasn’t _work_, you know? Even though he’d been there.” He huffs a small laugh against her temple that he follows with a kiss. “I’m trying to picture Spence in a man cave.”

“Okay. Maybe not Spencer.” She takes his hand again. “We should go to the reception.”

“I’ll go get the car.” He doesn’t see Penelope as he walks to the line of vehicles, or when he pulls the car to the main drive. He looks at the reception, but he doesn’t see her there either. He’s starting to wonder if he imagined her.

**

Lisa’s off the rest of the weekend, and both of them free at the same time is a rare enough occurrence that he doesn’t think about much else than if they really have to get out of bed, or if they can survive without food for a while.

When he gets to work, he’s almost forgotten about seeing Penelope until he spies her disappearing into her office. He grabs two mugs of coffee, not questioning why he knows how she likes hers. He uses his foot to knock on the open door before peeking inside.

“I come bearing gifts.”

She turns and frowns, but opens the door a little wider for him. He holds one of the mugs out to her in offering. Her eyes narrow. “What do you want?”

“Nothing! I can’t just offer a coworker her morning cup of her life sustenance?”

She takes the mug, but still looks suspicious. “When you bring me coffee, you want something.”

“I don’t. Honest.” He holds his free hand up in surrender.

Her eyes stay narrowed but she shrugs. “Okay. Thanks.”

He waits and it takes her a moment, but she eventually steps aside so he can actually enter the office. It’s the usual riot of knickknacks and electronics, all the things she uses to keep her sane. He stands by her desk and leans on it. He knows she doesn’t like the quiet.

“Did you need something? You have to need something. You and I aren’t the ‘hang out in my office together’ type.”

“I promise. I don’t.”

“Well, in that case, you’re kind of freaking me out.”

Luke can’t help smiling, but he sobers up. “Did I see you at Phil’s funeral?”

She stiffens immediately and looks at her computer screen. “Is that a problem?”

“What? No. I just wasn’t sure. I didn’t see you at the reception.”

“I just went to pay my respects. I wouldn’t have known anyone there. I didn’t want to intrude.”

“You wouldn’t have. Besides, Lisa and I were there.”

“I didn’t know his family. I barely knew him.” She shrugs, but she still won’t look at him. “I just thought he was nice. And he was nice to me.”

“He was.”

“I don’t know. I thought… Well, doesn’t matter what I thought.”

“C’mon. Tell me what you thought. I’d like to know.” He sits on the edge of her desk, cradling his coffee mug with both hands.

“I thought we got along really well. I thought he might be… No. It doesn’t matter.”

“Garcia. Please.”

“I thought he was interested. That’s all. But he wasn’t. Which is fine. I’m not everyone’s piña colada, you know? Caught in the rain. Health food. All of that. I just had a feeling. But I’ve been wrong before. A lot, actually.”

Luke takes a deep breath. He knows he should have told her, just like he should have told Phil when he asked if she’d wondered about him. He knows it’s not because he didn’t want them interacting. He could see they’d be good together.

He doesn’t have a reason.

Not one he’s willing to admit.

“He liked you.”

She gives him a faint smile, and it’s so unlike her it hurts. “I told you. It’s fine. I mean, we got along. I know he liked me. I guess I just hoped it was more. For the best though, I guess. If we’d been dating or together, I might have been there with him.”

Something sparks in Luke’s chest, hot, protective, and fierce. He shakes his head sharply. “No.”

Penelope shrugs. “I don’t need you to feel sorry for me. I have a life. I date. Maybe I haven’t found the love connection you have – ” A look crosses her face, and Luke wonders what he’s missing. “But I’m good. Happy. Fine. No worries.”

Luke starts to say something, but he’s not sure what it might be, what might come out of his mouth. Not that it matters, since Penelope cuts him off before he can speak.

“Thanks for the coffee, but I’ve got stuff to do.”

“Right. Of course.” Luke nods and stands up, unable to catch her eye. “See you later.”

**

“You should talk to Morgan,” J.J. tells him. “If anyone can give you the inside scoop on Penelope, it’s him.”

“But I don't know him. And I know you.”

She sighs, but it’s clearly more in jest than anything. “What do you want to know?”

“I don’t know. What makes her tick?”

“I’m not sure anyone can answer that, really.” She smiles, and it’s the same soft one that everyone seems to give when it comes to Garcia. “In her heart, she just wants to help people, to do the right thing. Make up for… Everything we see. She used to be a hacker, a crusader. Now she just puts that to work for us.”

“She and Morgan. Were they – ”

“No.” Her eyes narrow. “What’s this about?”

“Just seems like he’s her hero, her knight in shining armor. No one can live up to him. I thought maybe there was something else there.”

“Make no mistake, they love each other, would die for each other, would kill for each other if there was a threat. But they were never a couple. It was something different. Something more, I think.”

Luke nods. “So she’s not serious with anyone.”

“Okay, this is a little more than casual curiosity about a coworker. What’s going on?”

“Nothing. I mean. I might have a friend who’s interested.”

She takes a deep breath and exhales slowly. “Our work is hard to deal with. You know that.” She pauses and rubs her hand over her mouth. “Don’t introduce her to someone who won’t get it, won’t be able to handle it. She doesn’t deserve that.”

“I know. I wouldn’t.”

“Despite how it seems, she’s been through a lot. And anyone that hurts her is going to have to answer to the entire BAU team. Not just Morgan.”

“Hey, I’m included in there. I don’t want to see her hurt any more than you do.” The problem is that he doesn’t know what he wants. Or why he’s even thinking about any of this at all. She went to Phil’s funeral and that shouldn’t matter to him beyond the thought that it was a nice gesture from a nice person.

That’s all.

**

The next case ends up involving Penelope’s ex almost-fiancé. Luke looks him over and he seems nice enough. The rest of the BAU team who knows him likes him, so there’s no reason for Luke not to.

But he doesn’t.

He doesn’t like the familiarity he has with Penelope, doesn’t like the casual touches he gives her, doesn’t like the way he looks at her when Penelope’s not looking.

“So, Kevin. It’s Kevin, right?”

“Hm?” He starts a little when Luke talks to him, looking over with something like guilt in his expression. Penelope is in front of the main monitor talking to J.J., and although Kevin stops staring, he keeps glancing over. Luke lets himself look for a moment at Penelope’s high heeled shoes, her black and fuschia dress that comes to mid-thigh and is cut to show the swell of her breasts.

“You and Penelope dated?”

“Yeah.” Kevin’s gaze settles back on Penelope. “Asked her to marry me, but she said she wasn’t ready.”

“Huh.”

“Are you going to do the big brother thing now? Like Morgan-light?”

“Just trying to navigate all the emotional undercurrents.”

“There aren’t any. Penelope and I are friends. Friendly at least.” He shrugs and finally looks fully at Luke, his gaze assessing. He smirks slightly. “No.”

“Pardon?”

“Don’t bother.”

Luke straightens. “Don’t bother what?”

“Guy like you? Not a chance.”

“First off – guys like me? And secondly – I’m not looking for a chance. Penelope is a colleague.”

“Yeah, well, the way you look at her says something else.”

“I think you’ve had too much screen time. Need to get your eyes checked. Besides, not that it’s any of your business, but I’m in a relationship.”

“Then you should really stop looking at her like that.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” Luke snaps just as Rossi walks in with Spencer. He moves away from Kevin as Penelope starts talking. Luke takes his usual seat and stares at the information on his tablet rather than looking at the main screen. And Penelope.

**

Kevin and Penelope go into the underground club, dressed in black. Kevin’s in jeans, a T-shirt, and a hoodie, but Penelope is in an outfit that clings to every curve. Matt’s married and Rossi’s as good as, but they’re staring – or trying not to stare – as hard as Kevin, Spencer, and Luke are. Because, as form fitting as her other dresses are, this is something else.

This is thigh-high boots with five-inch heels, a miniskirt with a bustier that leaves just enough to the imagination to be even more distracting than if she were wearing less.

“Are we sure he’s the right guy to send in with her?” Rossi asks.

“He’s an agent,” Prentiss reminds them all, though Luke doesn’t think he’s imagining the nervousness in her voice.

“Who doesn’t do field work,” Luke reminds them.

“That’s why we’re running backup. Because we need someone in there who speaks their language. And that’s Penelope and Kevin.”

“Not to mention that Penelope is comfortable and confident with Kevin, unlike her general reaction to you.” Spencer doesn’t look away from the camera views. “The typical agitation you display with each other would be more likely to invoke an emotional response at an inopportune time.”

“So you’re saying she’d have more of an emotional response to me than to her ex-boyfriend? That doesn’t strike anyone as odd?”

“Can we concentration on the case?” Rossi’s looking over Spencer’s shoulder. There was no way to get comms into the club, but Penelope had hacked them into the camera footage, and they’re just outside. Spencer switches between different cameras, following Kevin and Penelope’s progress.

Kevin presses the palm of his hand to the small of Penelope’s back, and Luke forces himself to unclench his grip from around the butt of his gun.

After what seems like hours, Tara sees Penelope give the signal, and the team moves in. Other hackers and low-level criminals disappear like rats on a burning ship, but the police force outside can deal with them. Luke stays focused on the table at the back of the room.

Kevin’s slumped to the floor, but Luke didn’t hear a shot, so he presses forward.

“Hold it.”

“Marcus Helm, you’re under arrest,” Luke snarls. “Put the gun down.”

Marcus, their unsub, hooks his arm around Penelope, elbow in front of her throat, squeezing. Penelope’s eyes are wide. Not frightened exactly, but something. “I don’t think so. In fact, pretty sure she’s coming with me. Gonna be the grand prize in my little showcase.”

“Let her go,” Rossi snaps.

Luke can see Penelope shaking slightly, but he’s pretty sure it’s more anger than fear. She stumbles as the guy pulls her backward toward an exit door. He jerks her back to her feet, and as she straightens, she brings the long sharp spike of her heel against his foot.

“You bitch,” he snarls, even though his combat boots likely negated any of the pain. He lifts his gun and brings it down, driving the butt of it against Penelope’s temple. The skin splits, and blood starts spilling down, darkening as it soaks into her hair, bright red on her face, throat and chest. She blinks and he hits her again, and this time her eyes roll back and she slumps into him.

Marcus drags her backward, using her as a shield. Luke growls in frustration, unable to get a clear shot.

“Anybody got anything?”

“Marcus,” Emily’s voice is calm, soothing. “This doesn’t have to end in a gunfight. That’s not your strength, is it? That’s not what you’re like. Even if you take her, you’re not going to get away, not going to be able to take your time with her.”

“You sure about that?” He runs his finger through the blood still coursing down the side of Penelope’s face before sticking it into his mouth and sucking it clean. “I like blondes. And now I have the FBI to thank for giving me such a pretty one.” This time his finger slides down the line of her throat, across her chest and down between her breasts.

“Calm down, Luke,” Tara says quietly into the comms. “Not going to do anyone – especially Penelope – any good if we lose it.”

“I’m fine,” he pushes out through gritted teeth.

“I’ve got a shot,” Spencer says softly. “Emily?”

“He’s almost to the door. He likely has an escape plan,” J.J. adds before continuing to coordinate with law enforcement outside.

“Emily?”

“Marcus, let her go. Don’t make it worse for yourself.”

“Emily?” Spencer asks again, his voice clearly demanding an answer.

“Worse, huh?” He laughs and uses the barrel of the gun to stroke Penelope’s cheek, her lower lip. “You know what I did to all the others? That’s nothing compared to what I’m gonna do to your little princess.”

“Emily!” Spencer snaps

“Emily,” Rossi’s voice is loud in everyone’s ears, in the room at large.

Marcus presses the gun between Penelope’s lips, into her mouth. “Bet she’ll still be beautiful when I blow her big, brilliant brain out. And then I’m gonna _really_ have some fun.”

“Emily!” Spencer nearly shouts, the last chance for a clear shot gone now that Marcus’s finger is on the trigger and it’s too dangerous to risk the chance of a death spasm firing the gun.

“Fuck,” Luke growls low and takes a step forward, turning some of Marcus’s attention to him, splitting it three ways between him, Emily, and Penelope. “You need them dead to even have a chance of fucking them, huh?”

Marcus just smirks. “Insulting my manhood is the best you’ve got?”

“We did our research. No girlfriends to talk to. The last person who admitted being your friend or, hell, even willing to admit they knew you was from junior high school. Pretty sure this is the only way you’re getting laid.”

“You don’t know anything, pretty boy.”

“I know the odds of you getting someone like her without that gun in your hand are nonexistent. She’d rather be celibate than with someone like you.”

“She’s a hopeless computer geek. Just like all of ’em. Putting her in slutty clothes doesn’t change that.”

“But you still need the gun.”

“I know what you’re trying to do.”

“Yeah? You see it on some YouTube video? You know how it’s done? All that how-to. Probably need one to show you how to get off.”

He rips the gun from Penelope’s mouth to swing it on Luke. Luke ducks and shouts Spencer’s name. Two shots fire; Luke stands up and Marcus doesn’t, but he took Penelope with him when he went down.

Rossi and Matt go to Emily who seems frozen. Tara goes to Kevin and J.J. goes to Marcus, badly hurt but alive, and gets him away from Penelope Probably best that they’re keeping him away from Luke as well. Luke goes with Spencer and focuses on Penelope. Spencer sits her up and holds her as Luke looks over her injuries.

She has a huge gash in her forehead that’s still losing blood, though it’s slowed to a slow sludge. Her top lip is torn where Marcus had shoved the gun into her mouth as well as ripped it out, and both lips are swelling.

“Ambulance is almost here,” Tara informs them.

“She’s not going in the same one as him. I don’t care how well they have him secured.” Luke knows his voice is tight and angry, and he hopes they all know it’s not directed at them, but he isn’t going to spare the time to care about their feelings when Penelope is hurt.

He fumbles for his phone and calls Lisa. When she answers, her voice is groggy with sleep. “Luke? Babe? Are you okay?”

“Penelope’s hurt. Head wound. Who do I take her to?”

“What?” He can hear the rustle of the sheets over the phone as she sits up. “How bad? Bleeding and stitches bad or skin flap bad?”

A flash of thought of how it could be _worse_ goes through his head, and he shudders. “Bleeding. A lot. But I don’t see any hanging skin through the blood.”

“Good. Ronson’s on duty tonight. I’ll call him. Tell them I told you to ask for him.”

“Okay. I will. Thanks.” He nearly hangs up, catching himself at the last minute. “Love you.”

He can hear her smile despite the seriousness off the call. “Love you too.”

**

“What the fuck?” Luke paces Emily’s office, anger and other emotions he can't or doesn’t want to identify crawling under his skin, growing stronger.

Emily takes a deep breath. “It was inexcusable.”

“No shit.”

Emily takes another breath and looks away from Luke’s restless energy to focus on the rest of the team. “I know I let all of you down. The only explanation I can offer is that the thought of something happening to Penelope made me freeze. The sight of it. Which is unconscionable, given that our job puts us all in danger every day. I’m responsible for all of you, and…”

“And she got hurt _worse_. That… degenerate had his hands on her, all over her. Spencer had the shot early, and you didn’t call it.”

“Luke, son.”

Luke turns on Rossi. “No. Don’t. I know it wasn't deliberate. I know she’s sorry. But we can’t afford to freeze. He saw it and it gave him an edge that he exploited. He almost… He could have…” Rage and impotence steal his words and he slams out of the room before he completely loses his cool.

He wants to head straight to the gun range, but he knows he’s in no way fit to handle a weapon right now. He goes to the gym instead, changing into workout clothes and then wrapping his hands before going to the heavy bag.

It’s easy to fall into the rhythm, to lose himself in the steady pounding, to try to match his heartbeat to it. It doesn’t work this time, his fists too slow to match the hard, fast beat.

“Spar?”

He shakes his head to snap himself to attention, turning his focus to Tara. She’s in workout clothes as well, hands wrapped. “Not sure that’s a great idea.”

“You think I can’t handle you?”

“It’s not that. I’m just not sure I trust myself right now, and I’d rather not doing anything else I might regret.”

“Somehow I don’t think you regret what you did or said in there.”

Luke sighs and rests his head on the bag. “No. Maybe. I was hard on Emily.”

“She needed it. She’s in charge. She’s a grown-up. And she messed up. She has to take responsibility when she screws up. And she did.”

“Take responsibility?”

“No. Screw up.” Tara shakes her head and gives a little shrug. “Well, she’s taking responsibility now, but I don’t think that’s what we’re talking about.”

“I just keep seeing him touch her, knowing what he planned to do to her, and I…”

“Have you gone to see her?”

“I don’t think I can.”

“Why not?”

Luke presses the heels of his hands against his eyes. “Because I’m afraid all I’m going to be able to see is her in his arms, her blood.”

“That’s not what she needs.”

“I _know_ that. I just don’t know how to stop.”

“You do what you do with every other crime scene, every other victim. You be glad we got there in time.”

“We’re the ones who put her there.”

“No.” Tara’s voice hardens. “Don’t infantilize her or act like this was something she was forced into. She’s an agent, just like us.”

“Not just like us! She sees it through a computer screen. She’s not at the wrong end of a gun!” He rears back and punches the bag hard. He exhales roughly as he catches it on the rebound, hugging it to his chest and pressing his forehead against it again. “Shit.”

“Go see her. You’re not going to get past this until you do. And if you’re not ready for that, then go home. I think here is the last place you need to be. If a case comes up, we’ll call.”

“Yeah.” He nods, then thunks his head against the bag. “Yeah. Give me a call.”

**

He goes home, but all he manages to do is pace the floor. Roxy is by the sliding glass door, on her stomach with her snout between her legs. Her eyes follow Luke from one side of the room to the other. She tilts her head whenever he sits down, sighing when he immediately gets back to his feet.

She gives him a low whine from the back of her throat, part concern and part anxiety.

“It’s okay. I’m okay.”

Lou spends half his time chasing Luke as he paces and the rest hiding beside the couch, pressed against it. He’s been having a hard time since Phil died, and Luke knows the energy he’s giving off can’t be helping. He squats down and reaches out to pet them both.

“I know. I know. It’s okay. I’m okay. I’m sorry.”

Roxy licks his hand, and Luke laughs, something close to real. A thought hits him and he smiles.

“You guys want to go outside?” Both dogs jump up, tails wagging even though they lack some of their usual energy. “C’mon, Rox. You want to go see Penelope?” That gets the expected response, and she starts running in a circle. Luke laughs again as he goes to get their leashes, clipping them on as both dogs crowd near the door. He settles them down and holds the leashes tightly as they try to charge toward the car.

Luke lets them drag him, barely getting the door open before they’re both trying to wriggle in as soon as there’s any space. He gets them settled, then heads toward Penelope’s, stopping to get coffee for both of them. He definitely doesn’t need caffeine, but he takes a few sips on the drive anyway.

He parks as close as he can to Penelope’s then shortens the dogs’ leashes before he gets out of the car. He keeps a tight hold so they don’t run off as he gets the coffees from the front seat, then gives them some slack as they walk the couple blocks. One of Penelope’s neighbors lets them in the complex, walking with him to the courtyard between the buildings.

“It’s good to see you back,” she says just before they walk outside. “We were worried the two of you split up.”

“Split up?” He holds the dogs’ leashes tight, resisting their efforts to barge off to Penelope’s building.

“Well, we hadn’t seen you around at all lately, and normally you’re here at least once a week. We were just concerned. We haven’t seen her as happy as she is with you in a long time.”

“We’re… Penelope and I. We’re not together.”

“Oh.” She frowns. “So you did split up.”

“No. We were never together. We’re coworkers. She looks out for my dogs when I’m out of town.” The corner of his mouth quirks up. “I live with my girlfriend.”

“Oh.” Her face falls a little, killing the hint of a smile that Luke has. “Well then. You have a nice visit.”

“Wait.”

“You go on.” She smiles at him but it doesn’t reach her eyes, and it’s not nearly as friendly as before. “She’s probably going a little stir-crazy in there with just Kevin, Spencer, and us old fogies visiting her.”

“Kevin?”

“Oh yes. Once or twice, I think. Was here quite late one night. That’s why, well, one of the reasons why we thought the two of you… Well, maybe the two of them are rekindling their romance. She could do with a little love in her life.”

“I don’t think that’s what she’s looking for.”

He gets another smile, and he can’t fathom what it might mean. She gives him a wave and walks off. Luke finally turns his attention to the dogs who are sitting at his feet, whining softly as they look up at him with wide, brown eyes.

“Yeah. C’mon. Let’s go.” They take off as far as the leashes will let them, practically dragging Luke behind. He jogs up the stairs to her apartment, and the dogs start barking as soon as they’re at the door. “Shh, you guys. C’mon.”

He knocks, but there’s no answer. He knocks again, and it feels like the type of silence that makes him want to reach for his gun.

“Hey, Garcia. I’ve got some four-legged friends who want to see you and don’t intend to take no for an answer.”

She opens the door just a little, and Roxy and Lou push their way inside. She’s mostly behind the door, but she steps back enough to let him in. She kneels down as he shuts the door behind him, both dogs clambering all over her. She laughs, but it’s restrained, nothing like her usual. He sits down on the floor on the other side of the dogs and crosses his legs.

“Hey.”

She glances up, then immediately back down, hiding the marks on her face. “Hey.”

“How’s it going?”

“Good. Going back to work on Monday assuming the psych eval doesn’t end with me locked in the looney bin.”

“You sure you’re ready?”

“Yes.” Her voice brooks no argument. “I’m not going to let some creep keep me locked up in my house or anything. I swore to myself after the first time that I wouldn’t be afraid.”

“No one would ever think you were afraid.”

She laughs again, and this one doesn’t sound like her at all. “I’ve got everyone fooled then. I’m afraid all the time. That’s why I do this.”

“Nah. You’re fearless.” He reaches out, two fingers under her chin to make her meet his eyes. The swelling of her lips has mostly gone down, but with her hair pulled back, he can see the slight puckering where the stitches are healing and the bruising around the gash from the gun. It’s faded to a sickly green-yellow for the most part, but the skin immediately around the wound is still red and purple.

He reaches out and runs his fingers over it lightly, barely touching it. She shivers. Luke’s lips part as he traces the skin, and he isn’t sure why he can’t look away. Penelope licks her lips, then pulls back, shaking her head, turning her attention back to the dogs.

Luke sits back, unaware that he’d even moved forward. “Hey, you mind if I leave them here? Just remembered an errand I have to run.”

She smiles, and he can’t remember her ever looking sad, but that’s what this is, that’s what _she_ is, and his breath feels tight in his chest. “You don’t have to make excuses. I’m happy to take care of them for you. Go do your thing.”

“I came to see you.”

“And you did. And I’ll see you when you get back. Go on.”

“Penelope.”

“Luke.” She rolls her eyes and it’s the first normal thing she’s done, so he can’t help his small laugh. “Go do your thing. They’re better company anyway.”

“Ouch.”

“Yeah, yeah. You’re a tough guy. You can take it.”

“Breaking my heart here, Penelope Garcia.”

“Whatever. Go away before I sic the dogs on you.”

**

He drives around for a few hours without any sort of plan or destination in mind. He’s also doing his level best not to think about whatever had transpired in Penelope’s apartment. He doesn’t quite succeed; a quick flash of memory of her face, the sudden tightness that took over his chest.

As horrible as it is, he’s glad when his work phone rings. Penelope texts him and assures him that she’s got the dogs and to let Lisa know. He drives to the office, heading to the debrief room straight off the elevator.

Emily walks them through the situation, and they’re wheels up in twenty. They fly to Nebraska, and halfway through the flight, their tablets ping and Penelope shows up on the main screen.

“Looks like our new friend, who is super not our friend, has crossed state lines. Sent the information to your tablets. And don’t worry, the dogs are fine.”

They all look confused for a moment until Luke clues them in. “The dogs and I were visiting Garcia when the call came in.”

“And now I am puppy sitting as well as being your amazing tech guru.” There’s makeup over the wound, though it’s still slightly visible if you know where to look. “I’ll hit you back if I find out more.”

She signs off, and Rossi looks at Emily. She offers him a tight smile, then gives them all their assignments. Luke texts Lisa before they land, letting her know he’s on a case and Penelope has the dogs. He knows she’s on shift, so he’s not surprised when he doesn’t get a response.

He ends up at the newest crime scene with Rossi, talking to the cops and looking for additional evidence, for the motives of the killer. They’re on their way back to the temporary headquarters when Rossi goes quiet. Luke glances at him, then away.

“Whatever it is, just say it.”

Rossi quirks a smile, but it fades quickly. “You and Emily.”

“Prentiss and I are fine.”

“You haven’t been fine since Penelope got hurt.”

“She froze.”

“She did.”

“She froze and I get that. She and Garcia are close. But she wouldn’t okay Spencer to take the shot when he had it. And Penelope could have died.”

“He could have done it without her okay.”

“In close quarters with her with a gun on her and high likelihood of a reflexive shot? And it’d be a kill shot? You don’t make that shot without an okay unless the shooter is active.”

“He did.”

“When the gun wasn’t on her, wasn’t in her mouth. _In her mouth, Rossi_.” He has to force himself to take a deep breath. “Prentiss couldn’t do it? Fine. Not good, but fine. But she’s in charge of the team, and she can’t freeze like that.”

“But you’re okay.”

Luke ignores Rossi’s sarcasm. “I trust her to do her job as long as none of us are potentially in the line of fire. Right now, that’s as good as I can get.”

“That’s not good enough.”

Luke looks out the window. “Neither was she.”

**

Lisa calls him late that night, letting him know that she got his text and got the dogs back from Penelope. They have a neighbor who watches them when Luke and Lisa’s schedules overlap, and it’s better for everyone, even though he gets a text from Penelope informing him that taking them away is akin to breaking her heart.

He sends her back an emoji-filled reply of broken hearts, dogs, and stop signs. She replies with one of someone sticking their tongue out. The urge to keep texting is strong, but it’s late – even later in DC – and they’ve both got a full day ahead of them.

Instead he just tells her goodnight and plugs his phone in before turning off the light.

It takes him a while to fall asleep, but it’s not the usual details of the case trying to sort themselves out in his brain. It’s nothing really tangible, just something on the edge of his consciousness, just out of reach.

He wakes up with a jerk just before his alarm, breathing hard. He can’t remember what his dreams were, but his muscles are tense and his cock is hard. It’s been a while since he’s woken up actively turned on, so he turns off his alarm, lies back in bed, and pushes his boxer briefs down.

His palm is calloused from his gun, but it also has the softness that comes from sleep. It feels good, if slightly different, and he slides it from the tip to the base, then back up again. He starts off slow, teasing the head, sliding his fingers across the slit. Heat dances underneath his skin, and he closes his eyes, giving in, sinking into it.

His fantasies are always vague. Hips and lips and hands, mouths and thighs and breasts. But snippets of the dream, or the feelings from it, come back, whispers and touches and thoughts. Soft, lush skin, teasing full breasts from a low-cut outfit, burying his face in Penelope’s familiar scent.

Luke freezes even as he comes, spilling over his hand and stomach despite the tight grip he has on his dick. He squeezes his eyes shut until it hurts, whispering curses at himself.

“No. No.” He rolls out of bed, stumbling as his boxer briefs fall the rest of the way off. He gets to the bathroom and can’t look at his reflection. He wipes up the mess, then turns the shower on, setting the temperature as hot as it will go.

He strips off his T-shirt and rolls it into a ball, hiding any evidence of what he’s done. He gets into the shower, hissing as the hot needles of water beat down on him. Scrubbing himself clean, he refuses to let himself dwell on what happened. What he thought. Imagined.

His mind, of course, has other ideas, so he eventually has to turn the water to cold and stand there until he’s practically shaking with it. Thankfully by the time he’s dried off and dressed, he seems to be able to get his mind back on the case, and he meets Matt in the hallway. They grab coffee and breakfast on the go for them as well as for J.J. and Spencer who’ve been working all night.

“Anything?” Matt asks as Luke hands over coffee. They go over what little progress they’ve made, then head back to the hotel for their chance to sleep.

When Rossi shows up, they head to the ME’s office for the autopsy results on the latest victim. They get toxicology reports forwarded to Penelope to see if that yields any information. Then they’re back at their temporary headquarters looking for any connections between their victims.

Matt’s phone rings just as Luke’s does. They both answer, with Matt greeting Emily. Garcia’s on his line, and he only hopes he sounds normal.

“Hey, Garcia.”

“How do you feel about calcium cyanide?”

“If it finds our unsub? Good. Just in general? I’m usually anti-cyanide.”

“Well, it’s incredibly toxic, very expensive and usually requires a huge order. Despite that, it looks like all our victims ingested some and had skin contact. And it’s the pure stuff, which is even rarer to find. Going to do some more digging.”

“You doing okay? You don’t need to still be on leave?”

“What can I say? My adoring public needs me. I’ll hit you back when I’ve got more.”

Matt waves his phone at Luke. “We’ve got another victim.” 

Luke nods as he hangs up. “Garcia’s got something. She’s going to give us more as soon as she can.”

“Good. Dump site is more suburban. Additional violence. We need to take a look and firm up our profile.”

“Let’s go before our unsub starts devolving even more.”

**

“Rachel Harris.” Penelope’s voice breaks into the silence of the car. “Calcium cyanide is used in mining, and her husband was killed at the Montana Tunnels mine before it closed. He was there as part of an environmental survey that got the mine’s license suspended.”

“And all our victims are linked to the mine?”

“Oh, our fearless leader, how I wish I could say you are correct. But no no. It’s much more social media–minded. So far every one of our victims have been the people who started or donated to a ‘Go Fund Me’ campaign set up for the mine’s legal fees and to help them meet the EPA requirements.”

“The campaign was successful?” Spencer asks.

“Oh yes. Not successful however, was the ‘Go Fund Me’ that Mrs. Harris set up to help with the funeral costs for her husband.”

“And the calcium cyanide? I thought that was expensive.”

“That it is, boy wonder. But, when you steal it from the very shut down mine that your husband was investigating, it is much cheaper. No theft was reported because they’re not currently using any, so they didn’t know it was missing until yours truly had the local police get someone out there.”

“So the funeral was the trigger?”

“Our first murder came the day after the company got the okay to reopen the mine.” Penelope sighs. “Sent you her information.”

“Thanks, Penelope.”

“You betchum, Red Ryder.” She breaks the connection and they all speed toward the Harris house.”

“If she’s got the cyanide in her house, she might use it,” Luke reminds them. “Skin contact is just as dangerous, so wear your coats either over or under your vests.”

“Be smart, people,” Emily reminds them as J.J. radios the warning to the police and S.W.A.T. teams they have with them.

Taking her down is easy, especially when she breaks down. She starts crying, but it’s clearly not guilt or remorse. Grief most likely. She doesn’t say anything as the police take her away.

**

Luke heads inside the building to change out his go-bag for the new one in his car. He drops it off and heads back to the elevator, tired and ready to go home. Go to bed.

“Hold the elevator!”

He hears the clip of Penelope’s heels, and he actually thinks about pretending not to hear her for a second before he presses the door-open button. She gets in and huffs a quick thanks before she seems to realize it’s him.

“Oh. Hi.”

“Hey. What are you still doing here?”

“Finishing up a few things from when I was out. I’m surprised you’re not already home.”

He tries not to think about the clothes in the bag sitting in his trunk, but he can’t stop the flash of memory, can’t stop himself from darting a quick glance at her chest. He averts his gaze back to the doors, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Just switching out my go-bag.”

They get to the lobby and Penelope pulls out her phone, heading out of the elevator. “Okay, well. Have a good night. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Luke frowns. “You’re not going down to the garage?”

“My car’s in the shop. I’m going to call an Uber.”

“No. C’mon.” He motions her back into the elevator. “You’re not getting an Uber. I’ll drive you home.”

“It’s the opposite direction from your house.”

“You’re holding up the elevator, Garcia. Get in. I’m giving you a ride home.”

She sighs heavily and rolls her eyes. “Fine.”

He smiles at her. “Thank you.”

They’re both quiet in the elevator. She waits until they’re walking to Luke’s car to speak so he can’t really look at her. “I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.” When he glances at her, her hands are balled into fists. “I’m not afraid.”

“I don't think you’re afraid.”

“I was. After I got shot. Afraid to date. To do most anything.”

“Being shot at is scary. Being shot is… It’s understandable to be scared. Being attacked again after. Well.” He shakes his head.

“Did your research on me, huh?”

“It came up after this last time.” He glances over at her and she’s staring straight ahead. “Garcia…”

“Don’t feel sorry for me, okay? Please? I can’t handle that.”

“I don’t. I’m not.” He reaches out and grabs her hand, squeezing lightly. “I don’t.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.” He squeezes again, then releases her. She looks at him and gives him a small smile.

“Thanks for strong-arming me into a ride home.”

“Thanks for not making me resort to throwing you over my shoulder in a fireman’s carry.” He unlocks the car, and she gives him a look when he starts to veer toward the passenger-side door. He holds both hands up in surrender. “Sorry.”

“Mm-hm.”

Luke goes around and gets in the car, starting it as Penelope settles in her seat. “So one of your neighbors said Kevin has been stopping by to see you.”

“A couple of times.”

“You two rekindling your romance?”

“Ha. No.”

Luke catches himself before he smiles. “You told me at your apartment that you’re always scared, but now you say you’re not. Did something change?”

“It’s easy to be scared there where I can hide away. If I’m going to be out here, doing this job, I can’t be. I know it’s not logical. It should be the other way around.”

“All that matters is that it works for you.” The streets are busy even though it’s late, and Luke takes his time. Penelope is watching everything go by out the window, and Luke keeps darting glances in her direction, even though he feels guilty every time.

Her perfume is light in the air of the car as the heat circulates around them, and Luke shifts uncomfortably, trying to adjust himself as surreptitiously as he can when his body starts to respond. He’s thankful her attention is focused out the window so she doesn’t ask if he’s okay.

They get to her apartment building, and she gathers her bag as he parks. She gives him a smile, and Luke can see that she’s tired, probably back to work too soon and working too hard.

“Let me walk you to your place.”

“I don’t need an escort.”

“Then do it for me. Please.”

She shakes her head and rolls her eyes, sighing dramatically all at once. “Fine.”

“Thank you, your majesty.”

She buzzes them in through the main building and leads the way to her apartment. Luke’s just a step behind her, falling even as she stops to unlock her door. “See?” She gestures as she slips the key in the lock. “Home safe and sound.”

“Good.” He leans in without thinking and brushes a kiss to her cheek. Her breath catches as Luke’s heart seems to stall, and they both take a quick step away from each other.

“Okay. Well. Thanks.” She moves inside quickly and shuts the door behind her.

Luke leans his head against the wall, cursing silently at himself. He’s not sure how long he stands there, but he doesn’t move away until he hears her locks slide home, snap into place.

**

He gets home and texts their neighbor that he’ll pick up the dogs in the morning. Lisa already let him know she’s working overnight, so he won’t bother waiting for her to come home. He strips down and climbs in the shower, washing off the residual feeling that the pursuit of an unsub gives him as well as the stale air of the flight.

The pressure is better than at the hotel, and Luke closes his eyes, letting it beat down on his head, wash the scent of Penelope’s perfume away. Of course the thought of the smell of her makes him think of her, which is the last thing he wants.

“Fuck,” he bites out. He can’t figure out why she’s in his head – why _now_? There’d been moments when he’d first started with the BAU when he thought maybe, but Penelope flipping him shit had never gone anywhere.

But he’d thought about it. Ages ago. Before Lisa. And he’s thinking about it now when he has Lisa. Lives with Lisa. Whom he loves. He groans and bangs his head on the tile wall before shutting off the water and grabbing a towel, drying himself off roughly. He is _not_ going to do this. Penelope is his friend. His coworker.

That’s it.

He pulls on a pair of boxers and his sweats before going to the kitchen and grabbing a beer out of the fridge. He flips through the TV channels for something mindless, settling on college basketball. He lets the sound drone in the background as he rests his head on the back of the couch and closes his eyes. Whatever is going on in his brain – an overprotective streak or just fear, some weird manifestation of not being able to save her – _whatever_ it is, needs to stop. To go away.

He wants Lisa to be home. Wants his mind on her, on them.

But she’s not going to be home for hours, and Luke knows he needs to sleep. He also knows that, at this rate, he won’t.

With a rough sigh, angry and disgusted with himself, he eases his sweats and boxers down and takes himself in hand. He thinks about her smell, imagines her, sees her. Pictures blonde hair falling around her face. He strokes himself, his cock hard and sensitive, picture her over him as she straddles him, her breasts heavy, glistening with perspiration as she rides him.

He comes with a soft grunt, spilling on his lower abdomen. He’s not sure that the fact that he didn’t do it in the bed he shares with Lisa makes any of it better, and he mentally apologizes to both of them as he cleans up, then gets into bed, falling asleep almost immediately.

**

“Morning.” Penelope stops at Luke’s desk and holds out a cup of coffee. “A thank you.”

He looks up at her, and having her looking down over him brings a hot flash of fantasy back to mind. He scowls at her, though it’s mostly directed at himself. “No thanks.”

“You love coffee.”

“I don’t want it. And I’m busy.”

She takes a step back looking stung. “I’ll get out of your way then.” She sets the coffee on his desk and walks away quickly.

Luke picks up the cup and he wants to take a drink, but when he sees her glance back, he tosses it in the garbage.

She doesn’t look back again.

He rubs his eyes hard enough to see stars, then tries to focus on the paperwork in front of him. The smell of the coffee gets to him, and he goes over to the pot, pouring the dregs of what’s left into the mug. It tastes exactly as awful as he expects and probably as bad as he deserves it to. The few times he sees Garcia the rest of the day, she deliberately walks away from him.

After the first day, he doesn’t have to work at all to avoid her. She stays away from him completely. Even the information she needs to give him comes via email or conveniently only needs to get to him when someone else can bring it.

He wants to apologize. He needs to apologize, but since the coffee incident, he hasn’t spent his showers thinking about her, hasn’t spent his nights dreaming about her.

Of course, his and Lisa’s schedules are currently synced, so they’re together every night and have breakfast every morning. He was just lonely. Missing Lisa. And as bad as it sounds, Penelope was obviously just convenient.

“Meeting room,” Emily calls as she comes out of her office, and they all head that way. They haven’t had a case in weeks, all of them slogging through paperwork, though Spencer and Tara have both been lecturing as well.

Luke’s the last in the door until the faint scent of Penelope’s perfume hits him as she comes up behind him. She brushes past him without a word, her shoulder against the back of his arm the only contact between them. He hurries to sit down and bites his lower lip hard to keep his body from reacting. He looks down at his tablet to avoid the main screen and Penelope’s face.

Crime scene photos get his head back where it needs to be. It’s their first local case since Penelope’s attack, but there’s nothing that should require her to face an unsub. Emily has her set up a crime board while the rest of them split up to start working the case. He shoots off a quick text to Lisa as he heads to the ME office with Spencer, letting her know that they’re on a local case, and he doesn’t know when he’ll be home.

After several hours, the coroner’s office, and two crime scenes, he makes his way back to headquarters and heads for the conference room. J.J.’s supposed to meet him, but when he gets there, he finds himself alone with Penelope.

She looks up from her laptop when he walks in, then immediately returns her focus to it. Luke goes to the crime board and tries to focus, but he can’t actually manage it. He turns to face Penelope. “You think you wear enough perfume?”

It comes out sharp, and he sees her flinch. Without a word, she closes her laptop and leaves the room, barely acknowledging J.J. when she passes her.

“Okay, what the hell is going on?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing.” Her mouth twists into a tight smile. “This isn’t nothing.”

“Just a disagreement.” He turns back to the board. “What did the victim’s sister have to say?”

They brainstorm her information with the ME report, more information added as the others come back. Eventually, Luke starts yawning, and Emily tells him to try to get a nap in.

He nods, not arguing, heading to the couch in her office. Halfway there he sees Penelope standing by herself at the elevator. Taking a deep breath, he walks over to her, slipping through the glass doors to the hallway.

“Garcia.”

She stiffens, turns on her heel, and walks away. The guilt he’s been ignoring for weeks now has coalesced into a tight ball in his stomach. It hardens as she walks away, the soft drift of her perfume following her.

Luke does too.

He catches the door to her office just as it’s about to close. She’s standing at her desk with her back to him. He watches as she takes a deep breath and steels herself before she turns. Her cheeks are flushed, her eyes bright. She looks like she’s a cross between hurt and angry, which is likely what she is.

“What do you want?”

“Can we just talk for a minute?”

“No. You said everything you needed to say, and I’ve heard you loud and clear. You offered to give me a ride home. I don’t know what happened or what I did – She stops as Luke, without even realizing he’s moved, stands in front of her.

He doesn’t think, doesn’t know what happens, actually. All he knows is his hands are on her face, his thumb is parting her lips, and then his mouth is on hers.

She gasps and he swallows it, his hand sliding back and his fingers threading through her hair. Time doesn’t move for a millennia until she tilts her head and kisses him back. He’s not sure who makes the hungry sound. His pulse is pounding like a bass drum in his ears, his heart is hammering. He steps closer, his other hand settling on her waist.

She whimpers softly, her breath hitching, and suddenly the world crashes down. She jerks back as he steps back and nearly trips over her trash can.

“What did you… Why…” She shakes her head and looks lost. “How could you…” She presses her hands to her red cheeks and sits down hard in her chair behind her. “You’re with Lisa.”

“I know. I am.” He nods and rakes his fingers through his hair. “I _know_.”

“Why would you do that? To m– To her. I wasn’t… I wasn’t going to bother you anymore. Are you – She cuts herself off and swallows hard, her eyes shining bright with tears. “Please don’t tell her I did that. Please don’t make her hate me.”

“What? I’m not going to say anything. It was… A mistake. Obviously. And it wasn’t you. It was me. Fuck. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what… I mean…”

“Why?”

She sounds so plaintive, so confused. Luke shakes his head. He knows it’s only fair to tell her the truth – that he’s been thinking about her, fantasizing about her. Instead he just shrugs. “I never told Phil you asked about him. Never told you that he asked.”

Her hurt fades to blankness. “You should go.”

“I’m in love with you.” He shakes his head as he says it. Not in disbelief but realization that they’re true.

“You’re in love with Lisa. Whom you live with.”

“Yeah.” He nods this time. “I am.”

“You need to go. Away.”

Luke scrubs his face with his hands. “Penelope, I…”

“I wanted this.” She closes her eyes, squeezing them tight. Her voice is rough, broken. “I wanted. I _wanted_ this, you son of a…”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Get out.” He can see her trembling, hear it in her voice.

“I…”

“Get out!” She shouts this time, and the tears brimming in her eyes start to spill out. “Just get out.”

Luke leaves her office, shutting the door behind him. Wondering what the hell he thinks he’s doing.

**

“What’s wrong?”

Luke looks up from his tablet at Lisa. “What do you mean?”

“You’re quieter than usual. The case bothering you?”

“Just a rough week.”

She comes behind him and puts her hands on his shoulders. “You want to talk about it?”

“Just something I have to work through.” He reaches up and puts his hand on hers, bending his head back for a kiss. She kisses the tip of his nose instead of his lips.

“Well, I’m always here if you need to talk.”

“I know.” He guides her around his chair and tugs her into his lap. “And I appreciate it.”

It’s not exactly a lie. He doesn’t think talking to her will help at all. Knows it won’t. Not that it matters, because Penelope stays away from him, and although the animosity of before is gone, they’re formal with each other when they do have to interact. Cool and polite.

She’s never alone with him, and he tries to keep his distance, but sometimes the memory of the noises she made into their kiss, her admission of want, the look of shock and something else on her face when he’d told her how he felt haunt him at work, not just in the shower.

He goes into the file storage in the basement, looking for a box on a cold case they’ve been talking about. It’s old, so it hasn’t been digitized yet, so Penelope doesn’t have access to forward the information to him. Not that she’d talk to him for him to ask. They’d end up playing email tag for at least a day if she could get it to him.

He knows there’s no chance of making any of this up to her, so getting the box out of storage for her is the least he can do for making her miserable.

He turns the corner and stops, swallowing hard. Penelope’s up on a too-short stepladder. She’s on her tiptoes, and her dress is higher than normal on her thighs. He swallows his groan and curses himself silently as he reaches down and adjusts himself. Getting a hard-on in Penelope’s presence is becoming a far too regular thing.

He approaches her, walking none too quietly, but she startles when he asks if she needs help. She takes a step backwards to nothing but air, and Luke manages to keep her from falling, his arms around her. She leans into him, and Luke tightens his grip on instinct.

“Okay?” His voice is soft and quiet, and her hair brushes his face as he whispers the words in her ear. She shivers hard.

“F-fine.”

He starts to loosen his grip; her fingers brush the back of his hand like she’s trying to keep him from letting her go. He turns his head slightly and whispers in her ear. “Penelope.”

She turns slowly to face him, and he can feel her shaking. He knows it’s not from the adrenaline. “I can’t,” she whispers back, but her hands slide to his shoulders, and it feels like a wave of want and need and relief when she kisses him.

Luke groans and slides his hands from the small of her back to the curve of her ass, pulling her even closer. Her shaking doesn’t stop as he backs her up against the racks, her skirt slipping higher as he slides a knee between her legs.

“Oh god, oh god.” Her words are muttered under her breath between kisses. Luke’s tongue slides against hers and she sucks on it, lighting him on fire. His hands gather the hem of her dress, and his fingers brush skin as they skim around to the front of her thighs, pushing it up. She gasps and her head goes back.

Luke drops his mouth to her throat, giving her soft biting kisses that will fade quickly. “You need to stop me,” he says against her skin, scraping his teeth over the corded skin between her neck and shoulder. “If you want to stop, you need to tell me.”

“Don’t.” She moans quietly, just for him. “Please, don’t.”

He buries his head against her shoulder, breathing hard. His hand moves further beneath her dress, his fingers brushing against the damp fabric of her underwear. “Oh, Christ.” It’s almost a sob as he pushes it aside, as he slowly pushes two fingers inside her.

She takes him easily, her breath hitching as his thrusts fill her, as his fingers slide in. His fingertips are coated with her as he strokes the warm, soft, wet skin that surrounds him.

“Luke. Luke.” She moans and the hairs at the edge of her skin – her temples, along her neck – are damp with sweat. Her lips are parted as he rubs a slow circle around her clit with his thumb, and then she’s coming on his fingers.

He kisses her hard, his fingers still moving, still fucking up inside her, rubbing her clit in earnest until she cries out, coming again. She comes down off her tiptoes as he eases his fingers out of her and his thigh from between her legs. Without even thinking about it, he sucks his fingers into his mouth, and she watches him with wide eyes.

Her lower lip trembles. “I…”

“It’s okay. It’s…” He chokes off as her palm slides over his cock, as she squeezes him lightly through his slacks. “You don’t…”

She gives him a shy smile with curved, swollen, bitten lips, and then she sinks down to her knees in front of him. Luke stops breathing, his head swimming as she keeps looking up at him as her hands unfasten his slacks.

He leans forward to grasp the rack of files for support, watching her as she pushes down his boxer briefs, takes him in hand and then guides him to her lips. She licks the head and then opens her mouth, taking him inside.

He’s cheating on Lisa. The vague thought lingers in the back of his mind. He’s doing something he never thought he’d do. But he can’t look away from Penelope. Her lipstick is gone, but her lips are a swollen pink. Her eyes are bright with tears as she sucks him deeper. “God, Penelope.” His voice cracks. “You…” He presses his thumb to the corner of her mouth, gathering the saliva there.

She closes her eyes and hums around him. Luke gasps, unable to stop himself. He doesn’t even have a chance to warn her before he tumbles over the edge. Her throat constricts as she swallows him down, and he wants to stay like this forever with how good it feels.

“Fuck, Penelope,” he manages, sinking to his knees as she lets him slip from between her lips. He cups her jaw in his palm, leaning in to kiss her. It’s soft and gentle, one turning into two, into a series of barely-there touches.

She presses against his hand, then turns, sitting awkwardly before she pulls her knees up to her chest and buries her head against them. “You need to go.” Her voice is shaky, milky with tears. Luke feels everything like a weight on them all of a sudden. “I need you to go.”

He swallows hard and gets to his feet, putting himself back to rights before climbing the stepladder and getting the file box. He walks out, feeling like shit for leaving her behind.

**

Luke stays away from her after that, or at least as much as he can before a sudden onslaught of cases that land on their desks. He hasn’t been home in almost a month, and with Lisa on night rotation, their schedules don’t really line up to even talk.

“You and Penelope seem better.” J.J. is looking over crime-scene photos while Luke goes through the transcripts of tip line calls, though he manages one for every ten Spencer does.

“Pardon?”

“For a while there you weren’t getting along.

“Yeah. We had a… disagreement.”

“Well, I’m glad you guys kissed and made up.”

“Yeah.” He takes a quick swallow of his coffee. “Me too.”

“Did you hear any juicy details from when she and Lisa got together for lunch? Though I suppose most of those details would be about you. I should probably ask her instead.”

“They… I didn’t know they had lunch.”

“Uh-oh. Keeping it a secret.” J.J. laughs. “Must have been _really_ juicy.”

“Yeah. I’ll have to watch my back.” He excuses himself, gets up, and leaves the room, fumbling for his phone.

“You’re not supposed to call my personal phone.”

“You had lunch with Lisa?” he whispers, voice rough and edged with anger.

“We’re not doing this now.”

“What the _hell_ were you thinking?” She hangs up on him, and he calls right back, leaving a message. “Call me, Garcia. I’m serious.”

Spencer finally breaks the case, and then it’s a race to save the current victim. Luke puts everything out of his mind and brings the unsub down. He slaps on the cuffs and hauls the guy to his feet, shoving him off to the police. Cleanup goes quickly after that, all of them missing home and doing everything to get packed up and signed off. He closes his eyes on the flight home, feigning sleep. He considers texting Penelope, but he needs to see her face, know what he’s walking into at home.

When they finally get back to Quantico, he waves to everyone and drives directly to Penelope’s house. It’s possible she’s not home, possible she’s still in her office, but he’s willing to wait. One of her neighbors fumbles drunkenly with the door, and Luke goes to help him, using the opportunity to get inside.

Her lights are on, so he climbs the stairs and knocks once he gets to her door. “You’re home, Garcia. Let me in.”

“I don’t want to talk.”

“We can do this through the door if you want, but we’re doing it.”

There’s a weighted silence, but then her locks click open. She steps back and he walks inside. She’s wearing loose sweats and a stretched, worn-out T-shirt. He gets caught up in looking at her and doesn’t speak.

“Well?”

He’s there to yell at her, to let his fear and anger out, to try to mitigate his guilt.

Instead he kisses her.

She shakes her head, but she’s kissing him back, moving closer instead of away. His hands go to her T-shirt, pulling it up and off. Her breasts are as good as he imagined. Better. He cups them, perfect in his large hands. He swipes his thumbs over her hard nipples, then lets her go so he can grab the collar of his shirt and pull it off as well.

It’s hands and mouths as he backs her into her bedroom. She’s almost too close, shivering when her nipples brush against the hair on his chest. They stop at the end of the bed, both breathing hard. Everything else has already been wrong, but this is the line they can’t come back from. The silence stretches out like taffy, like a Dali painting.

He swallows hard. “I’m in love with you. I’m sorry. I know it hurts you.”

“Luke?” She’s suddenly not the brash, bold woman she presents to the world. She’s just Penelope.

“Yeah?”

She closes her eyes, licks her lips, and exhales slowly. Then she looks at him again. “Kiss me.”

He does, tasting her skin, working his way down, bending his head to lick her nipple, take it between his lips. Penelope’s breath catches, and she braces herself on his shoulders for a moment, then slides her arms around him, keeping him pressed to her. He takes hold of her waist and guides them both down to the mattress.

He braces himself over her, and he doesn’t think he’s ever been more sure of anything in his life. He kisses her, then stands so he can undo his belt and jeans, so he can ease them down and off along with his shoes and socks. He puts one knee on the bed between her legs and leans over her.

They kiss again, and he hooks his fingers in the waistband of her sweats, guiding them down with her underwear as she cants her hips up for him.

Naked she’s even more beautiful and he kisses along the valley between her breasts, nuzzling at her stomach and down to the darker blond hairs between her legs where they’re damp and clinging to her skin. He’s on his hands and knees between her spread thighs, inhaling the heady scent of her arousal, even better than her perfume.

He lowers himself to his elbows, sliding his hands and forearms under her thighs. He uses them as leverage to lift her just enough that he can slip his tongue between her labia and taste her.

He loses himself in her, his tongue and fingers working her over. She moves, pressing down as he thrusts his fingers, three buried deep as his tongue chases her orgasms. She hooks one of her legs over him and Luke groans. He works a fourth finger inside in response, and she whimpers, coming again. She begs him to stop, telling him it’s too much.

He pulls back and wipes the back of his hand over his mouth before crawling over her. She arches up, kissing him, and he licks the taste of her into her mouth. “Do you… Please tell me you have something.” He manages to get the words out between kisses, bracing himself on one hand so he can rub his thumb across one of her hard, tight nipples. “Need you. To be inside you.”

She pulls away and turns slightly, opening and fumbling inside her nightstand drawer. She hands him the condom, and Luke goes back on his knees to open it.

Penelope presses her fingers to the head of his cock. He hisses as she presses lightly against the slit. He’s so close to the edge that he has to grab the base of his shaft to keep from coming when she runs her fingernails down his length.

He pushes her hand away and gets the condom on quickly before guiding himself inside her.

She arches her hips up and he pushes in, dropping his head down and watching her as he buries himself in her, hot and slick and tight. He settles against her, bodies pressed together with want and need and sweat. Penelope is breathing roughly, her eyes closed.

After a moment she opens them, and her pupils are wide, a barely visible ring of color around them. She meets his gaze, moaning as Luke starts moving.

He’s so close. Too close. He kisses her fiercely, hungrily. She rocks with him, rhythm hard and steady for as long as he can hold on. Finally he thrusts and buries himself as deeply as he can, coming with a hard shudder.

They lie there for a long time, their only movement the heavy rise and fall of their chests. Eventually he lowers himself onto his elbows and presses his forehead against her shoulder. The reality of what just happened hangs in the air over them, and it takes Luke a while to actually manage a deep breath.

Turning his head, he plants a soft, careful kiss against her throat, tasting the salt on her skin. She swallows and he can feel it beneath his lips. “I’m going to…” He can’t quite find the words. Everything sounds crass in his head.

She nods and he reaches between them, holding the condom as he pulls out. He goes into the bathroom and disposes of it. When he comes back out, she’s still on the bed, the sheet pulled up to cover her. Luke tugs on his boxer briefs and sits on the edge of the bed.

“Hey.”

She laughs a little, the sound brittle. “Hey.”

“I didn’t… That wasn’t why I came here. It wasn’t planned.”

“I know.” She nods. “But it happened.”

“Yeah. Yeah. It did.”

She frowns down at her hands. She’s not wearing any rings, nothing at all save the sheet for her to hide behind. “I can’t do this.”

“I know.”

“You love Lisa. You live with Lisa. Have a life with her. What we feel doesn’t matter. This was just a thing that happened. A mi-mistake. But it’s over now.”

“Right.”

She looks up at him, and it takes all his willpower to keep from kissing her. “Are you going to tell her?”

“You guys went to lunch. I thought you already had.”

All the emotion goes out of her face, and she just seems to shut down. He’s never seen her so blank before. “You thought you were found out so you figured you might as well get what you were in trouble for? Was that what this was? Was the lie for me or to make yourself feel better?”

“What? No. I meant it. All of it.”

“You need to go.”

“Penelope.”

“You need to go, Luke.”

He nods jerkily and stands, getting dressed. His jaw is still, and anger and frustration hum underneath his skin. “Yeah. Okay. Goodnight.”

She doesn’t follow him out of the bedroom, though when he’s at the stairs he can hear her locks clicking. He stops and leans against the wall, eyes closed and head back.

“Fuck.”

**

He takes a shower when he gets home, washing away the smell of sex, the smell of Penelope. He stretches out on the mattress and stares up at the ceiling. He’s not sure what to do, and without someone to talk to, he’s not sure how to figure it out.

He’s still awake when Lisa comes home at four in the morning, and he’s no closer to an answer. She leans in and kisses him, then strips down to a tank top and underwear before she climbs into bed with him. He lifts his arm, muscle memory, and she settles on his chest.

“Rough case?”

“Not the worst.”

She shifts and lays her head on his stomach. “What’s got you wide awake?”

“Trying to work something out.”

“You want to talk about it?” She lifts herself up on her elbow so she can meet his eyes.

“Not yet.” He reaches up and brushes hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ear. “I will though. I promise.”

“Good. Just so you know I’m here for you.”

“I do.” He leans up and kisses her. “Now sleep. I know you’re exhausted.”

She settles down and snuggles against him. Luke takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. Closing his eyes, he tries to match his breathing to Lisa’s, but when he gets out of bed two hours later, he still hasn’t slept.

He’s on his second cup of coffee by the time any of the others get in. He’s working on his report for the last case, head bowed and hand fisted in his hair.

“Hey, Luke.” J.J. smiles at him as she walks to her desk. She stops and frowns just before she passes him. “You okay?”

“Yeah. Just didn’t get much sleep. How’s the family?”

“Good. Nice to be home early enough to put the kids to bed. Give Will a break.”

“I imagine seeing Will wasn’t a hardship either.” He waggles his eyebrows to make her laugh, then nods toward the small breakroom. “There’s fresh coffee if you need it.”

“You’re a lifesaver.”

He smiles and goes back to his report, looking up instinctively when he hears Penelope’s voice. She’s laughing at something Spencer’s said, then she blows him a kiss and heads toward her office. Spencer shakes his head and comes in. Luke doesn’t mean to watch her, but the glass walls make it hard not to track her progress. He shakes his head and forces his attention back to his paperwork before she can see him watching.

He rubs his eyes with his thumb and forefinger several hours later, exhaustion creeping up on him. A mug of coffee thumps on his desk and he looks up to see Rossi. “You look like a man who could use a few good nights of sleep, not coffee, but coffee’s all I got. Well, I also have an office with a very comfortable couch in it. C’mon. Before you knock yourself out falling asleep on your desk.”

Luke picks up the coffee and takes a healthy swig before heading to Rossi’s office. About halfway there, he turns around. “Actually, do you have a minute?”

“Sure.” Luke waits for him to catch up, then follows Rossi into his office and shuts the door. Rossi sits on the edge of his desk. “Everything okay? Sorry. Dumb question.”

“I don’t…” Luke sighs and sinks onto the couch. “I did something and, well… I fucked up. A lot. And I don’t know what to do. I want to do the right thing, but I don’t think there is one.”

“Sounds like this might call for something stronger than coffee.”

“I cheated on Lisa.”

“Oh.” He gets up and goes around his desk, pulling a bottle out of the drawer. “Definitely stronger than coffee.”

Luke nods. “With Penelope.”

Rossi sets the bottle down. His mouth opens, then closes with an audible click. Luke bows his head and puts his face in his hands. “_Our_ Penelope?”

He nods without removing his hands. “Yeah.”

“And can I ask what the _hell_ you were thinking?” Rossi sounds angry, rightfully so. Luke just groans.

“I wish I knew. Penelope is… And I…”

“We thought – Emily and I – when you first came here, that you two might end up together. Didn’t think it’d be a problem since she’s so rarely out in the field with us. Thought if you split up you’d both be adult enough to handle it. This… This we did not consider.”

“Trust me, neither did I.” He sighs shakily. “And I’m not trying to make it weird or bad between you and me with this. Because shit. We work together and I respect the hell out of you, and I’m pretty sure I’ve just lost any you had for me, but since Phil, I don’t know…”

“Hey, hey.” Rossi shakes his head. “I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life. I’m not about to throw stones. I just wish I knew what to tell you.”

“Well, I’d like it to be what I should do, but I know that’s not feasible.” He slumps back on the couch. “Messed up two good things in one fell swoop.”

“Have you talked to Penelope?”

“It…didn’t end well. There was a misunderstanding. I’m not sure she wants to talk to me.”

“You need to talk to her. Actually, no. Get some sleep, and then talk to her.”

“Right. Is the offer on the couch still open?”

Rossi stands up and heads for the door. “Sweet dreams.”

**

It’s actually dark when Luke wakes up. He glances at his watch and frowns before heading into the main office. The entire team is sitting on desks or on the floor, all of them working by flashlight. Matt looks up when he hears him and waves his hand at Luke’s desk. “Power’s out, and for now, we’re snowed in.”

“Okay.” Luke sits down on the floor in front of his desk. “So what are we working on?”

“Well, since Penelope can’t really do any searches, we’re going through files.” Spencer taps one of two piles of manila folders. “Potential new cases.”

Matt taps the other. “Cold cases.”

“Right now it’s girls against the boys.” Tara grabs another file off the new case pile. “But it’s not a contest or anything. At all.”

“I come bearing questionable sandwiches from the cafeteria.” Penelope comes in through the doors with a box in her arms. “There are also, if you dare risk it, salads, fruit cups, and cookies.” She sets the box down on one of the nearby desks. Matt gets up and starts passing out the food. Penelope picks up the file next to Emily then settles on the floor where it had been. She’s directly across from Luke and very studiously not meeting his eyes.

Luke takes one of the cold-case files off the pile to go with the lukewarm sandwich Matt gives him. They all fall into an easy rhythm of sharing files and getting each other’s opinions. As it gets later, they take turns catnapping in Emily and Rossi’s offices.

Penelope gets off the floor, barefoot and bare-legged, skirt falling back down to mid-thigh as she stands. Luke swallows hard as he watches her. Wants her. He forces his eyes back down to the file in his hands, doing his best to ignore her as she walks to the doors.

He doesn’t look at Rossi as he stands up and excuses himself to the bathroom. He’s positive when Rossi said to talk to her, it wasn’t while snowed-in in the office with the power out. She’s in the hallway in front of her office, leaning against the wall with her flashlight pointed at the floor. Even in the ambient light he can tell she has her eyes closed.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” She doesn’t move, doesn't open her eyes.

Luke comes closer, leaning on the wall next to her. “You okay?”

“Not sure yet.”

“I’m sorry.” He stares down at his hands. “What happened was amazing, and I’m not sorry about that. I meant what I said. How I felt. But I’m sorry that it hurt you. That I hurt you.”

“It’s fine.”

“No. It’s not. And leaving with you thinking that happened because I thought Lisa knew was wrong. I know you wanted me to go, and I wasn’t going to stay if you didn’t want me there. But that wasn’t why it happened.” 

“Will you let me know before you tell her? I mean, I know it’s coming, but she’s my friend, and I want to brace myself for when she…”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“Luke.” She looks at him and he has to shift to his side so he can look at her face-on. “I didn’t say no. I didn’t want to. I said yes.”

“Fuck,” Luke breathes. He steps closer, too close. Penelope looks at him, and everything’s in shadow. He wraps one of her curls around his finger and tugs gently. It’s not strong enough to do anything, but she still makes a small noise and sways into him. Into a kiss.

Luke’s nerve endings light up as their mouths meet, and his tongue teases against hers. She grabs his shirt in her fists and holds him there, and he wraps his free hand around her waist.

By the time they pull apart, she looks thoroughly kissed, and he’s lightheaded and hard. He leans in again and brushes his lips across hers lightly, but it turns into something more almost immediately. Stepping closer, Luke presses her against the wall, but he keeps his hands low and light on her hips so he’s not boxing her in. This time, when they break apart, he rests his forehead against hers.

“This can’t keep happening,” She whispers. “It’s not fair to me. Or Lisa. Or you. It’s not fair and it’s not right.”

“I know.” He nods and kisses her again. “Fuck, I know. I didn’t think I was that guy. This guy.” He shakes his head. “I don’t want to be this guy.”

“Then you need to tell Lisa and swear it won’t happen again. I won’t let it happen again.”

“What if it’s not Lisa?”

Her gaze snaps up to his. “What?”

“What if it’s not her?”

“Of course it’s her. Don’t be stupid.”

“Why would it be stupid if it was you?”

“Because it’s _not_ me. It’s the fact that it’s wrong. Forbidden.” She shakes her head and slips out from between him and the wall. “It wasn’t there before her. Nerves. Second guessing yourself. I deserve better.”

“You’re wrong.” He can tell she thinks he’s talking about her last statement, so he talks quickly. “It was there before. From the beginning. I told you how I feel about you. That doesn’t just happen.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not.” He catches her wrist and pulls her closer. “You’re like no one I’ve ever met before. I saw you and… But I really thought you didn’t like me at first. I didn’t get it about Morgan, and I don’t know...” She trails of then shrugs. “But then we were friends, and I never got the feeling you wanted to be more.”

“You live with Lisa. And I know you love her.”

“You’re right. I do.” He cups the side of her face with his free hand, his thumb rubbing across her bottom lip. “But I’m in love with you too.”

“Don’t say that. You can’t say that.” She shakes her head, but she doesn’t pull away from his touch. “It’s like with Kevin. You want a relationship. A family. I don’t want that. I have cats.”

“You don’t want it? Or you’re not ready for it?” He asks, but nods at the same time, still stroking her lip. “None of that changes how I feel.”

“Feelings don’t matter. This isn’t about feelings.”

“I’m not sure what else it’s about then.” He keeps his voice low, trapped between them. “You want me too. Love me too.”

“Don’t.” He can see the tears standing in her eyes, wavering in the dim light. He turns his hand slightly so his thumb can catch her tears.

“Don’t cry.”

She closes her eyes tight, her mouth pliant when she leans in and kisses him. “I hated it,” she whispers against his mouth. “You came in like Derek had never been there. And I wanted to hate you. So much. I tried so hard.”

Luke laughs quietly. “I know.”

“But then you met Lisa and I… I can’t compete with the Lisas of the world. We’re nothing like each other. The Savannahs. The Lisas. The J.J.s. They’re the kind that get the families and the… the guy. In the end.”

“I know that’s not how you think about yourself.”

“I’m not putting myself down. I just know who I am. Whatever might have been wasn’t, and we have to live with that. It had its chance and it didn’t happen. So if… Just tell Lisa I’m sorry.” She leans in like she’s going to kiss him again, but pulls away before she does. “I’ve got to get some things from my office. I’ll see you later.”

**

He gets home early the next morning. The power still isn’t on, but the streets have been cleared, so they can leave the building. He’s not sure if it’s colder inside or out, but he braves the weather from the car to the condo. He stops by the neighbor’s and gets the dogs, not solely for the promise of their body heat.

He doesn’t expect Lisa to be home, since extreme weather always keeps the emergency room busy. He changes into his warmest clothes and tugs the covers off the bed, piling them up on the couch with him and both dogs. He wakes up a few hours later when Roxy and Lou both launch themselves off the couch and scramble to the door.

Lisa comes in and hangs up her backpack and coat. She shivers and heads directly for him, stretching out over him.

He laughs. “It’s warmer under the blankets.”

“Mm.” She wriggles to the side, slipping down between him and the back cushion. Luke tugs the blanket loose and pulls it over her, then takes her in his arms. “Hi.”

“Sleep now. Talk later. Love you.” She yawns and tries to get closer, settling half on top of him. He strokes her hair and holds her, still unsure of what he’s going to do. She sighs as she drops off, and he closes his own eyes, trying to forget for a while, trying to drift off as the dogs climb up to curl around them.

The lights come on and Luke jerks, brought out of the doze he’d finally managed. He works his way out from under Lisa and tucks the covers tight around her. The dogs look at him, but stay where they are. He dishes up food for them anyway and starts a pot of coffee.

It just finishes percolating when Lisa shuffles over to the table, still wrapped in all the blankets. “I will offer you sexual favors if there’s coffee for me.”

“No favors, sexual or otherwise, required.” He heads into the kitchen to fix both of them cups. “I’m not turning them _down_, mind you.”

She laughs and holds out both hands. “Gimme.”

He brings it over, dropping a kiss on her lips as she looks up at him. Settling back in his chair, he plays with her fingers with the hand not wrapped around his mug.

“All right.” She sets the coffee down and pulls her hand free of his. “What’s going on? You’re acting nervous and the last time you were nervous was when we decided to move in together.”

“I’m not nervous.”

“You said that then too. What’s going on, Luke?”

“I’m not. It’s not nerves. Not really.”

“Just tell me. Because now you’re making _me_ nervous.”

“Okay. Okay.” He nods and wipes his palms on his thighs. “I did something dumb. Not dumb. Not. I don’t know. I did something. I don’t know the right word. Wrong, I guess. I did something wrong.”

“Is this about work? You didn’t do what you did when Phil was killed, did you?”

“No. Maybe. Just as…” He rakes both his hands through his hair. “Fuck.”

“Luke. You can tell me anything. You know that.”

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. His exhale is ragged as he blows it out. He looks at her and opens his mouth to tell her, then closes it. Licks his lips.

“You’re starting to scare me a little here.”

“I slept with Penelope.”

She seems to stop breathing and the entire place goes silent, even the dogs lost in the white nothingness. She swallows hard and the rest of the world rushes back in. “Oh.”

“I… It wasn’t planned.”

“Penelope. Your coworker. My friend. You slept with her.”

“Yes.”

“Oh.” She stares down at the table, her forehead wrinkling into a frown. “How long?”

“What do you mean?”

“How long has this been going on? When did it start?”

“It’s only happened once. I swear. A few nights ago. When we got home after the last case.”

“I see.” She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. He can see her fighting for control. “I didn’t know you thought of her, of each other, like that. I thought there was something else before, but neither of you…”

“I don’t. I didn’t. We… I haven’t for a long time. When we first met, but that wasn’t this. I haven’t. I thought I hadn’t.”

“Are you telling me you did this or that you’re doing this?”

“It happened once. It’s not… I won’t cheat on you again.”

“Do you love her?”

“Yeah.” He nods. “I think so.”

“You think? You screwed around on me with someone you _think_ you love.”

“Yes. Yes. Yes. I love her.” He reaches out and brushes the back of her hand with his knuckles. “I know I fucked up. And I don’t know what to do.”

“I don’t know either. How am I supposed to trust you? Trust her. You work together. See each other all the time.”

“She’s…”

“No. Right now I can’t think about her, care about her. I don’t even want to hear her name.” She stands up and looks out of the window. Snow’s falling again. “She was my friend.”

“I…”

“What do you want for us, Luke? Love? Marriage? Family? Is that our plan? What we’re working toward.”

“I want that.”

“Do you want it with me?”

“I love you. I’m in love with you.”

“I didn’t ask that. And I need to know if you want that with me, because I’m not open-minded enough for you to have it both ways.”

“That’s not what I want. Not what I’m asking.”

“What are you asking? Are you asking anything? Or are you just telling me?”

“I want you to not hate me. For you to forgive me.”

She nods and crosses her arms over her chest. “Does she love you?”

“I think so.”

“Well maybe you should find out for sure before you decide to throw a grenade in the middle of your life.”

“This is on me.”

“Yeah. It is. But it’s on her too. She knew you were with me, that you loved me, that we loved each other, that we lived together. And she didn’t say no. And she should have said no. You should never have asked, but she damn well should have _said no_.”

“Lisa, I –”

They both freeze as his phone rings. He looks at her and she laughs. It’s not pretty or humorous. “That’s work. You’d better answer it.”

“Please don’t do anything, make any final decisions. Not until this is resolved? Not before I come back?”

“Don’t worry. I’m not going to disappear while you’re gone. Nothing’s quite that easy.” He gets up to head to the bedroom, but she doesn’t move out of the way. She smirks at him, arms still crossed over her chest. “No kiss goodbye?”

“Didn’t think you’d want one.”

“Yeah, well. Like I said. Nothing’s that easy.”

**

Luke joins a few of the others in the conference room, and they wait for the rest of the team to arrive. He keeps his eyes on his tablet, or tries to, but they keep darting toward Penelope. This is another dynamic he’ll have to learn to navigate – this time with the eyes of trained professionals on them.

J.J. and Matt are the last ones in, and as soon as they’re seated, Penelope starts the briefing.

“Welcome to the case that has the dubious distinction of beating out all the files we went through. The technical term for this one is ‘a doozy,’ so buckle your seatbelts.”

It’s definitely a gruesome case, and Emily has them wheels up immediately. Luke isn’t intentionally the last one out of the room besides Penelope, but since he is, he risks giving her a look. She gives him a smile that’s nothing like her normal one.

“Go be a Canadian Mountie and get your man.”

“I told her.”

She swallows hard and nods. “After the case.”

“Yeah. Of course. I just… I wanted you to know.” He nods and jogs to catch up with the rest of the team. Rossi looks at him, one eyebrow raised. Luke gives him a small shrug and then pushes everything personal out of his mind and gets to work.

By the time they get to Michigan, there have already been two more murders, both bodies left dismembered with their torsos eviscerated and their heads left in the stomach cavity. The short gap between kills has them all working overtime, surviving on coffee and cat naps.

Even with that, it still takes almost three weeks and nine more deaths before they manage to catch the unsub. None of them are particularly interested in conversation when they finally head home, so the jet is quiet, the lights dimmed as some of them try to sleep.

Rossi sits down across from Luke and hands him one of the two glasses of whiskey he’s carrying. “Rough case.”

“Yeah.” Luke sighs and takes a sip, letting the liquor burn its way down. “Definitely.”

“Not just the case, I’m guessing.”

“No.”

“You talked to them both.”

Technically it’s a question, but it’s not asked like one. He nods in response anyway and takes another drink. “I’d just told Lisa when this call came in.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” He takes another drink, then frowns down at the amber liquid.

“Do you know what you’re going to do?”

“No. No clue.” He laughs softly, sadly. “I’m not sure Lisa’s going to trust me again, especially since Garcia and I work together. Assuming we can do that.”

“Sounds like you know what you want to me.”

“Yeah. No. Maybe? I want to be with Lisa. I love her. I can see us having a future together, and I want a future.”

“And you can’t have that with Penelope?”

“She doesn’t want that.”

“She doesn’t? Or she’s saying she doesn’t because she wants you to do what she thinks is the right thing?”

“She turned down Kevin. Said that’s not what she wanted. I doubt things have changed that much since then.”

“She told Kevin she wasn’t ready. That’s not a no.” Rossi takes a drink of his own whiskey. “Also, you’re not Kevin.”

Luke sighs and thumps his head against the chair back. “That’s not helpful, because I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.”

Rossi nods toward Luke’s glass. “Drink up. That’ll help. For a while, anyway.”

Luke takes another drink, finishing his glass. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Wish I had an answer for you, kid, but I’m not always the greatest when it comes to romance. At least not when it comes to hanging onto it.”

“I don’t want to hurt anyone more than I already have.”

“Somebody’s going to get hurt. That’s the way it works. No matter what decision you make. Besides, seems like maybe you know what you want to do, you just aren’t sure you want to pull the trigger.”

“I’m scared. I love them both. I want them both. How do you choose when it comes to that?”

“You’re the one who has to live your life, live with your decisions, live with the consequences. Nobody gets out of life unscathed.”

“Remind me never to come to you when I need cheering up.”

Rossi laughs softly, then sits back to drink his whiskey. They fall into a somewhat comfortable silence, but Luke feels like he’s thinking too loud for that to be true. They finally land in Virginia, and they’re all beyond tired. Penelope meets them at the elevator doors and steers them all toward the conference room. They all groan, none of them ready for another case.

“The saying goes that ‘if I knew you were coming, I’d have baked a cake,’ but no one wants that. But I did know you were coming, so I _bought_ a cake.” There’s a large cake that says “It’s a Buoy!” on it, and she shrugs. “I’m hoping someone doesn’t know how to spell and not that someone’s made a grave error and bought water safety equipment. Either way, congratulations, welcome home, and I got _real_ coffee.”

“I love you,” Tara says, heading straight for the coffee. Penelope smiles, watching as they all relax. Luke cuts a slice of cake for himself and brings it over to her.

“You know you’re pretty amazing, right?”

She scoops up some of his frosting and sucks it off her finger. “Yep.”

Luke’s breath catches. He knows it’s habit, their playful banter, but it causes a visceral reaction. His skin heats up, his eyes drop to her mouth, his cock starts to harden. She seems to realize it at exactly the same time and blushes.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” He lowers his voice, keeping it between the two of them. “What if it’s you?”

She shivers and her eyes drop half-closed. “It’s not. You don’t. It’s…”

“I think about you,” Luke whispers. “I see you in person or on the screen, I hear you, and you crowd everyone else out of my head.” She shakes her head slightly and drops her eyes. Luke leans in a little more. “Penelope.” She shivers, and he has to bite back a groan. “Tell me what I’m supposed to do if it’s you.”

She looks up, her eyes wounded, but Luke thinks he sees a hint of something, a hint of hope in them. “Later, okay?” Her voice is a whisper as well, and it breaks slightly. Luke nods and she smiles, moving away from him.

Luke looks up to Rossi’s raised eyebrows and shrugs. Asking her had felt right, loosened something in his chest. He’s not sure if it's the right answer. He knows it’s not over and it’s not going to be easy, no matter what. He doesn’t love Lisa any less, but he’s not sure she’ll ever really trust him again. He’s not sure that she should.

The impromptu party lifts everyone’s spirits, but it seems to last forever. But it’s not actually very long at all before people start excusing themselves, citing exhaustion and waiting families as reasons as they leave. Eventually it’s down to him, Garcia, and Spencer. He looks like he’s dreading bundling up and braving the Metro.

“Hey, Reid. I’m giving Garcia a lift home. You want a ride?”

“It wouldn’t be too much trouble?”

“No trouble at all. And if it gets dicey and looks like that big brain of yours won’t fit in the back seat, we’ll stuff some of it in the trunk.”

“Thanks. I appreciate it.” He goes off to get his things, and Penelope raises an eyebrow.

“That was nice, but since when are you giving me a ride home?”

“Since about thirty seconds ago. That okay?”

“Yeah.” She bites her lower lip, skin going white at the edges of her teeth. “I’ll get my stuff.”

They’re in the car less than fifteen minutes later. Penelope and Spencer talk most of the ride to his place, but once he says goodbye and disappears into his apartment building, she goes quiet. Luke reaches over and brushes two fingers across the back of her hand.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.” She looks down at his hand resting on hers. “I’m not going to sleep with you.”

“Okay.”

Her gaze darts toward him, then back to their hands. “Okay.”

“That’s not why I’m taking you home.”

“I just want to make it clear. I’m not doing that again. If it’s her… I’m not. Not ever. And if it’s me, well. You're still with her. And I won’t.”

“I won’t either. I just want to talk to you.”

She nods, and they’re both quiet the rest of the way. Luke follows her into her apartment and sits at the kitchen table. Penelope goes into the kitchen and sets out fresh food and water for the cats. He reaches out and catches her hand, tugging her close. She makes a noise, but Luke just turns, wraps his arms around her, and presses his head to her midriff. Her hand settles lightly on top of his head, then she starts slowly combing her fingers through his hair.

“You okay?”

“Ugly case.”

“I know.” She keeps stroking, tugging lightly when some of the hairs snag. Luke hums and spreads his legs wider so he can pull her closer. Penelope’s free hand settles on his shoulder then slides down to rub up and down his back. “But you guys got the bad guy.”

“Not quick enough.”

“It’s never quick enough.”

He presses his face into her dress, taking a deep breath before he looks up at her. “No. It never is.” He stands up, their bodies far too close together. His fingers curl around her neck and his thumbs stroke the hinge of her jaw. “I’m gonna go.”

“Yeah. You should do that.” Her eyes dart down to his mouth and then back up to his face. She lifts a hand and her fingers shake as she traces the line of his eyebrow. “There’s no way to be sure, is there?”

“No.”

She leans in and breathes a kiss across his lips. “I’ll talk to you later.”

He nods, then tightens his loose grip on the sides of her face, holding her there as he leans in and kisses her. It’s slow and warm and easy at first until Luke lets one hand drop down to her hip, until he pulls her closer. Her mouth opens under his, and his tongue slips past her lips, tasting the heat of her. Her back arches and she’s pressed tight against him.

They break apart, panting breathlessly. Penelope’s lips are swollen, and Luke rubs his thumb over the bottom one. They part further and Luke groans under his breath, leaning in to steal another kiss, and then another. He moves closer and she backs up until she’s against the counter. Luke grabs her hips and boosts her up, then steps between her legs.

Her dress rides up, and he can see the dusty pink of her underwear. He curses softly and kisses her again as she tightens her legs around his waist. His hands slide up from her hips, skirting over her sides so he can cup her breasts. She arches slightly, grinding against him, her heels digging into his thighs.

He stumbles back as she releases him and pushes him away, catching himself only because he was pulling away himself. His breathing’s even more unsteady and his hands are shaking with want. Penelope slides down off the counter, supporting herself against it. “You should go.”

“I should go. Definitely.” He rakes his gaze over her and drops his head back, moaning softly. “The things I want to do with you right now…” He cuts himself off and shakes his head. “I’ll see you in the morning. At work.”

“Yeah. Goodnight.” She follows him to the door, keeping her distance, but instead of reaching for the knob, he reaches behind him and catches her wrist. He pulls her close and hugs her, burying his face against her hair, feeling his breath stir the strands. “Luke.”

“I know. I know. I’m leaving.” He laughs soft, rough, hungry. “All I can think about is what you’ll look like when I wake up next to you, and I’m not sure I’m going to make it out the door.”

“You need to talk to Lisa.”

It’s the bucket of ice water he knows they need, but it doesn’t make it any less painful. “I do. You’re right. If this is something we’re going to do, we need to…” He sighs against her throat. “I need to go.”

She takes him by the shoulders and guides him away. “Drive carefully. Get some sleep.” He nods and finally opens the front door. He steps in like he’s going to kiss her again, but she shoves him away. “Go home, Alvez.”

**

Roxy and Lou charge him as soon as the door’s shut behind him. Lisa’s sitting on the arm of the couch and smiling. “I swear they heard you drive up. About five minutes ago they started going crazy. They must have some strange power of knowing when you’ve hit the parking lot.”

“It’s puppy love, isn’t it?” He gets down on his knees and wraps his arms around Roxy. Lou jumps up and practically knocks them over in an effort to be involved. “That’s how you know, hmm?”

He ends up on his back on the floor with both dogs running all over him. The sheer relief of laughter feels like it lifts a huge weight off of him. Roxy licks his face and Lou tries to eat his shoelaces. He looks up at Lisa. She’s standing over him, arms crossed over her chest, and grinning.

“Hi.”

“Hi.” She holds out a hand to him. He takes it and lets her help lever him to his feet. He shrugs out of his jacket and hangs it up, dodging the dogs as they stay glued to him, weaving between his legs like cats. “What schedule are you on right now?”

“Just finished a run of days. Three days off, then I’m on a night rotation.” She grabs the two ends of his scarf and keeps him from moving. “When’d you get in?”

“Couple hours ago. It was an ugly case, so we had a little post-mission downtime, then I gave a couple of the team rides home. Wasn’t about to make poor Spence suffer the Metro in this weather.”

“I take it the other ride was Penelope?”

“I drove her home, yeah.”

“And how is she?”

“It was a tough case for everyone.”

“Mm.” She twists the scarf around her hands, pulling him closer. “We were having a discussion when you got called away. An important one.”

“Yes. Can we talk about it tomorrow? I haven’t had much sleep the past few weeks.”

“Yeah. Talking can wait until tomorrow.” They’re pressed against one another, and Luke wants to duck out of the loop of his scarf to put distance between them. “Come to bed.”

“Lisa, I…”

She kisses him. “Come to bed, Luke.”

“I think I should sleep out here on the couch until we talk.”

“Until you tell me you’ve decided you’re in love with Penelope, you mean? I guess I should give you credit. A lot of guys would have gotten in at least one more night.”

“I’m in love with you too. That’s the issue here. I’m in love with both of you. If I weren’t, this wouldn’t be a problem at all.”

She exhales slowly. “I think maybe we should talk now.”

Luke rubs his face with both hands. “I’m going to need coffee for that.”

“I’ll make it while you shower. I’m not a big fan of the perfume you’re wearing.”

Luke just nods, walking past her to the bedroom. He grabs clean clothes, then goes into the bathroom. He turns the shower as hot as it will go and stands under it, letting it beat down on him until it hurts to breathe. He dresses and goes out into the main room where Lisa’s pouring two mugs of coffee. She meets him in the living room, handing him one of the mugs before she sits on the couch, tucking her legs up under her.

Luke settles in one of the chairs diagonal to the couch and sets his mug on the end table. Lisa takes a sip from hers and looks at him through the steam. After several moments of silence, she sighs. “I don’t even know where to start.”

“Me either.” He sighs and takes a drink of his coffee before setting it down again. “I guess… What do you want to know? I don’t know that I’m going to have actual answers. At least not ones that you’ll want, but I’ll be honest with you.”

“Were you in love with her before we moved in together?”

“I don’t think so.” He groans. “When we first started working together, I kind of had a thing for her. I thought maybe something would come of it, but we never quite got past the poking at each other stage. And then I met you, and you’re amazing. I was… from that first date, I wanted to be with you.”

“So what changed?”

“I don’t know. Nothing changed that I can tell. Nothing between us was different. Nothing between Penelope and me was different. I guess just… Maybe I was different. But suddenly she was there. In my head. All the time.”

“So you were just suddenly in love with her.”

“I don’t…. I don’t _know_. I wanted her. Dreams and fantasies and… I just _wanted_.”

“So you got a little horny and decided to upend our life?”

“I didn’t want this. I didn’t ask for it. I _know_ I’ve fucked this up. Trust me. I know. If I could go back and change it –”

“Would you?”

Her sharp words cut him off. “Pardon?”

“Would you change it? If you could go back. If you could go back before you ripped it all to shreds. You and me and her. If you could go back, Luke. Would you make a different choice?” He’s quiet, and Lisa shakes her head. “I don’t understand. I thought we were happy.”

“We are. Were.”

“So what happened?”

“I don’t know what exactly started it, but at some point after Phil’s funeral, I realized that I’d been jealous. I’d lied to both of them. They both asked about each other, and I told them there was no interest on either side. And then when we had that case and she got hurt.” He shrugs. “I don’t know that there was a logical step-by-step progression. Maybe it had always been there and seeing her get hurt made me realize that it still was.”

“So you weren’t interested until you could save her.”

“We’ve saved each other before. That’s not what it’s about.”

“I’m trying to figure out what it _is_ about, because I’m not sure why or how our very happy, committed relationship suddenly went from living together to you sleeping with someone else. Does she know that guys that are willing to cheat on one partner are just as likely to cheat on the next? Does she know that next time she’ll be in my shoes and not in her own?”

“Lisa.”

“I love you. I decided to take a chance on you and I was happy.” She stands up and shakes her head. “I really thought we had something special. I wasn’t going to. I didn’t want to get hurt. But I did because I thought you were worth it.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’m going to stay with some friends.” She goes into the bedroom, and Luke sits there, staring at his hands. After about a half hour, Lisa comes out with a suitcase and an overnight bag. “I’m not sure when, but I’ll be back for my stuff.”

He stands up and shoves his hands in his pockets. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do.”

“You’ve done enough.” She laughs roughly. “More than.” She squats down and says goodbye to the dogs, both of whom look confused, glancing from Lisa to Luke again and again. She gives them each one last hug, then stands up. “I’ll be in touch.”

**

He takes a few days, citing personal problems. They’re all due for some downtime anyway unless a case comes up. He leaves it vague, though he does text Penelope and tells her that he’d talked to Lisa and she’d left. He also says he needs some time before he sees her, and he hopes she understands.

She texts him back, tells him he’s an idiot, and to give the dogs love from her and tell them to take care of him. He knows she’s been at work because they all get daily updates that no one has been sick and depraved enough to require their presence. She also tells them that, no offense, she hopes there never is one again.

It’s the day before he’s supposed to go back, and he’s at the dog park near his house, about to head home. “Hey.” Luke starts and turns, smiling as Penelope stands beside him. She bumps his arm with her shoulder. “Would you believe that a little birdie told me you’d be here?”

“I’d believe you used FBI equipment to locate me.”

“Oh. You’ve hurt my feelings.”

“Have I?”

She shoves her gloved hands in her pockets as her lower lip slides out in a pout. “Yes.” Her hair is in pigtails, flattened against her head by the lavender beanie she’s wearing. The large pom pom on top of it is a riot of blues and purples and there’s a shade in there that matches her lipstick.

She’s wearing jeans, which is something he doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to, as well as tennis shoes, with her bright pink peacoat. Luke slips his arm around her waist and pulls her closer. She leans into him for a moment, and he turns his head to press a kiss to her temple, though it requires ducking his head as well so he doesn’t get a mouthful of pompom.

“You want to talk?”

“I don’t know.”

She nods and slips away from him and lets out a piercing whistle. Both Lou and Roxy stop and then bound over to them, nearly tumbling over each other to get to Penelope. She steals their leashes from Luke and clips them back on. Wrapping them around her hand, she stands up and holds the other out to Luke. “Walk?”

He nods and takes her hand. They walk slowly, taking their time so the dogs can explore and sniff every nook and cranny. They don’t talk much, and when they do, it’s about something immediate and present. Eventually they wind their way back to Luke’s place, and he opens the door to let them all in. The dogs charge for the fireplace and Luke goes over to get it lit, shoving his gloves in his pockets and blowing on his hands before he tries for the matches.

He gets it going, setting up the grate to keep the dogs from getting too nosy, then stands. Penelope’s in the kitchen sans coat, gloves, and hat. He walks over and leans against the counter. She’s looking through his cupboards.

“You have hot chocolate, right? Otherwise we’re going to have to reassess this potential relationship.” She finds the canister and sets it on the counter before digging the milk from the fridge. “I’m forgiving you for not having whipped cream. _This time_.”

“Noted.” He comes up behind her and puts his arms around her waist,resting his chin on her shoulder. “Hi.”

“Are you okay?” She doesn’t move out of his touch, doesn’t look at him, focussing instead on pouring the milk into the pan. “I mean, I know you’re not okay, because this is hard, but… are you doing… Okayish?”

He bows his head so his forehead is on her shoulder. “I’ve never had someone who loved me hate me so much.”

“I don’t know if she really hates you. She loves you. That doesn’t just go away, even when you get hurt. Even if you want it to.”

“I hate that I hurt her. That I hurt you.”

“I don’t think any of us are happy about any of it. Not completely. Everything that happened is going to color it for all of us in some way.”

“I love you.” He turns his head so he can whisper it against her neck. “And I want this. Us. You. I know you’re not looking for a future and a family and –”

“Luke.” She turns in his arms and lifts his face so he’s looking at her. “Kevin asked me to marry him a long time ago. And I wasn’t ready then. I’m not ready now. But we’re just starting out, right? And you’re not Kevin.”

“Much better looking.”

“Much less geeky.” She taps his nose with her finger. “And I’m not the same Penelope Garcia I was when I was dating Kevin.”

“I know.”

“And all that other stuff? That’s the future. Let’s figure out how to do this part first, okay? We jumped a few steps, but I’d rather go back to the beginning. Because I’m not Lisa. And who I am when I’m with someone isn’t the same as who I was when we… happened.”

“You want to date.”

“I want to pretend we like each other.” She smiles. “But yes. Dates. Getting to know each other outside of work. I do have to warn you that my job’s kind of time-consuming.”

“Mine too. Hopefully we won’t be working opposite shifts.” He pulls her closer and wraps his arms more fully around her. They sway slowly, and Luke closes his eyes. “I’m not going to sleep with you.”

“Hm?” She hums quietly, tilting her head to look at him.

“Not for a while. I just want you to know. I’m not that kind of boy.”

“You are exactly that kind of boy.”

“No! You’ve never dated me. I’m a romantic. You’ll see.” The fire snaps in the background and the smell of warm milk fills the kitchen. “Do we need to talk about work?”

“Well, if the amount of questions I’ve gotten is any indication, everyone seems to think something’s up with us. I’ve managed to stop J.J. from taking a hit out on you, and her husband is from Louisiana. He knows some assassins.”

“What does Louisiana have to do with assassins?”

“I don’t know, but apparently something. I bet I could look it up and find a correlation.”

“Don’t.” He gives her a quick kiss. “Well, Rossi knows. And I don’t know if she knows anything else, but Emily definitely knows that I wasn’t happy you got hurt.”

“Spencer will probably tell us the odds of workplace romances lasting.”

“Or we could just keep it a secret.” He raises an eyebrow. “Then we never have to listen to anyone warn us about hurting the other, make knowing remarks whenever the two of us have to do something together, tease us if I ever have to enter the inner sanctum of your office.”

“I would never defile my office. There are small cute things there that don’t need to see that. They can only combat so much, and serial killers are the limit.”

“Serial killers are better than seeing me kiss you?”

“I just said they couldn’t handle both.” She pushes lightly at his chest. “Milk’s going to burn.”

He lets her go and watches as she preps two mugs of cocoa. She hands him one and then leans against the counter beside him. After a few moments, he turns and looks at her. “So are you really going to be nice to me?”

Penelope smiles, trying to hide it behind the cup of cocoa. “You’re kidding, right?”

**

“Luke.”

Luke looks up from the tray in front of him, likely losing his last chance at any of the tiny crab cakes. He looks around to see who had called out to him, finally settling on the woman walking up to him.

“Lisa.”

“Hi.” She puts her hand on his shoulder and leans in and kisses his cheek. “What a surprise.”

“You have no idea.” He realizes he’s paused too long and quickly presses a kiss to her cheek in return. “Do you know Derek and Savannah?”

“I work with Savannah at the hospital. How do you know them?”

“Derek worked with the BAU. He and Penelope go way back.” 

“Oh.” Lisa’s still smiling, but it’s not quite as wide as it was before. “You two are still together?”

“Yeah. Four years now.”

“I’m aware.” She glances over her shoulder, then nods her head toward Luke. A man detaches himself from another small group and walks over to them. He slides his hand in the small of Lisa’s back. “Luke, this is Jacob.”

“Nice to meet you.” Luke shakes his hand. He’s pleasantly surprised that there doesn’t seem to be any macho posturing when it comes to Jacob’s grip. “How do you know Lisa?”

“It’s a horrifically embarrassing story.”

“He was trying to ride a bike for the first time since he was twelve.”

“That she absolutely loves to tell.”

“And he learned that ‘just like riding a bike’ is –”

“A vile and horrific lie,” Jacob finishes. “Anyway, I ended up at the bottom of the hill with the bike on top of me instead of the other way around. I was lucky enough Dr. Douglas was there to laugh at me.”

“I didn’t laugh until I made sure you were all right.”

“That is true. But then she didn’t stop laughing, so I’m not sure if that’s actually a point in her favor. I think I would have preferred the whole immediate embarrassed laughter to the occasional giggled reminder for the rest of my life.”

“You guys are together then.”

Jacob raises an eyebrow at Lisa. “Really, Lisa?”

“I only wanted him to squirm a little.” She shrugs. “I don’t always have to be the bigger person.”

“Lisa and I got married last year.”

“Yeah?” Luke smiles widely and nods. “Congratulations. You’re a lucky guy.”

“I know.” He smiles at Lisa. “Very lucky.”

There’s an awkward pause during which Lisa looks around, obviously looking for something. Someone. “Is she here tonight?”

“She’s been working with another team on a case. She called just a few minutes ago and said she was on her way over.”

Lisa looks around again, then takes a sip of her wine. “How are Roxy and Lou?”

“Oh, man. You wouldn’t believe the trouble those two get into now that there are two cats in the house. It’s like some epic animal showdown every night. You’d think that they weren’t each bigger than both cats put together.”

Lisa laughs. “Is Roxy just offended by their existence?”

“Roxy loves them. Lou is pretty sure he’s been usurped. Still. The dog holds a grudge.”

“I'd love to see them.”

“We can make that happen.” He nods and grins again. “I’m sure they’d love to see you. They’ve missed you.”

“I miss them too.” There’s a weight to the silence, and Jacob clears his throat. Lisa looks over at him and smiles. He takes Lisa’s wine glass.

“Want a refill?”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

Once he’s out of hearing distance, Lisa looks at Luke. “You’re looking really good.”

“Well, you know, haven’t been shot or anything lately, which is always a plus.”

“I meant more that you look happy, but I’m not going to complain about you not being shot.” She looks like she wants her wine glass back so she has something to do with her hands. “And just so you know, he’s a prosecutor, not a criminal defense lawyer. Wouldn’t want you to think I was siding with the enemy or anything.”

“Everyone deserves representation, but I’m glad you’ve got better taste than to spend the rest of your life with one of those guys.” He glances over toward the bar where her husband is talking with someone. He wishes he knew if it was on purpose or not. “I’m sorry I was awful to you.”

“You were. Well, you weren’t. The situation was awful. And that is on you. You broke a lot of things that it’s taken me a while to fix. Trusting him was hard.” She glances at her husband this time too. He catches Lisa’s eye and smiles, something warm and private. Watching her respond loosens something in Luke’s chest. “But you were right. I wouldn’t ever have trusted you again.”

She looks like she’s going to say more, but she stops, frowning. Luke follows her gaze to where Penelope is standing in the doorway hugging Derek. He sets her back and nods in Luke’s direction. Penelope looks over at him, but her eyes catch on Lisa first; the smile that had been on the curve of her lips flattens and she nibbles on her lower lip instead as she walks over.

She stops next to Luke, but keeps distance between them. Luke wants to reach out and take her hand, give her some assurance, but he’s not sure she’d welcome it. “Lisa.”

“Penelope.”

“You work with Savannah, huh?”

“Small world.”

“Very.” She glances at Luke and then back toward Derek. “I didn’t mean to interrupt. I just wanted to let you know I got here. I’ll leave you two to…”

“It’s a little late to start caring about being in our way, isn’t it?”

Penelope doesn’t flinch physically, but Luke sees hurt flash in her eyes. She straightens her shoulders. “I cared.”

“Not enough.”

“Maybe not.” She looks at Luke and gives him a small smile. “I’ll catch up with you later, okay?”

“No.” He takes her hand and threads their fingers together. “I think we’re done here, right?” He looks at Lisa. “I’m glad you’re doing well. Glad you’re happy. He seems like a good guy.”

“So did you.”

He nods, inhaling through his nose before exhaling slowly. “Bye, Lisa.”

She turns and walks away, and Luke leads Penelope in the other direction. He can hear the hitch in her breath, and guides her over to a quiet place near the stairs. Penelope stops when he does, letting him gather her against him, the top of her head resting against the center of his chest.

“Hey. It’s okay.”

“I deserve worse than that.”

“No. You don’t. She’s married. Happy. And so am I.”

“You’re married?” She pulls back, shocked. “Does your wife know we’re living together?”

He pokes her on the nose. “You know what I mean.”

She nods and moves closer, resting her head on his shoulder. “We did all of this backwards and we hurt her.” she looks up at him. “I don’t want to hurt people.”

“I know.” He strokes her hair, then runs his fingers through it. “I love you, you know.”

“I heard a rumor.” He keeps stroking her hair, knowing how much she loves it. “She wants to see Roxy and Lou.”

She nods, not moving away from him. “They’d like that. I think they miss her.” After a long moment, she sighs. “I miss her.”

“Me too.” He kisses her forehead. “We should get back to the party before Derek starts a manhunt.”

“He almost trusts you. I bet in another four years, he might think you’re good enough to date me. Maybe.”

“He is _never_ going to believe that.”

She laughs. “I’m not sure I will either.”

“Ouch.” He kisses her then, slow and warm and soft, only pulling away when she makes a sound he knows all too well, a sound that means they should leave the party soon. “How about now?”

“Okay. A little sure. But I might need more convincing.”


End file.
